The world makes you something that you’re not, but you know inside what you are,
and that question burns in your heart: How will you become that? I may be
somewhat unique in this, but I am not alone, not alone at all. So when I became
a fashion model, I felt that I’d finally achieved the dream that I’d always
wanted since I was a young child. My outside self finally matched my inner
truth, my inner self. …All of us are put in boxes by our family, by our
religion, by our society, our moment in history, even our own bodies. Some
people have the courage to break free, not to accept the limitations imposed by
the color of their skin or by the beliefs of those that surround them. Those
people are always the threat to the status quo, to what is considered
In my case, for the last nine years, some of my neighbors, some of my friends,
colleagues, even my agent, did not know about my history. I think, in mystery,
this is called the reveal.
Here is mine.
I was assigned boy at birth based on the appearance of my genitalia. I remember
when I was five years old in the Philippines walking around our house, I would
always wear this t-shirt on my head. And my mom asked me, “How come you always
wear that t-shirt on your head?” I said, “Mom, this is my hair. I’m a girl.” I
knew then how to self-identify.
Gender has always been considered a fact, immutable, but we now know it’s
actually more fluid, complex and mysterious. Because of my success, I never had
the courage to share my story, not because I thought what I am is wrong, but
because of how the world treats those of us who wish to break free. Every day, I
am so grateful because I am a woman. I have a mom and dad and family who
accepted me for who I am. Many are not so fortunate.
Geena is finally herself. But the unfortunate ones are those like Jeffrey
“Jennifer” Laude, whose family this week is seeking $40 million in damages from
her killer in the Philippines last year.
The civil suit comes as the murder trial of U.S. Marine Lance Corporal Joseph
Scott Pemberton resumed in the Philippines today.
Laude was found dead after being drowned in a toilet bowl of a motel in Olongapo
City. Pemberton is said to have met Laude in a bar before going to the motel.
It’s a story that’s far too typical in the trans community.
The survey polled some 6,436 trans people, whose racial background was 11
percent multi-racial, five percent Latino, five percent Black, five percent
Asian, 1 percent Native American, and 76 percent White. (National estimates for
the transgender community is 700,000).
And what are their lives like? From the executive summary:
Discrimination was pervasive throughout the entire sample, yet the combination
of anti-transgender bias and persistent, structural racism was especially
devastating. People of color in general fare worse than white participants
across the board, with African American transgender respondents faring worse
than all others in many areas examined.
Respondents lived in extreme poverty. Our sample was nearly four times more
likely to have a household income of less than $10,000/year compared to the
A staggering 41% of respondents reported attempting suicide compared to 1.6% of
the general population,with rates rising for those who lost a job due to bias
(55%), were harassed/bullied in school (51%), had low household income, or were
the victim of physical assault (61%) or sexual assault (64%).
But stats are one thing.
It really hits home when you know someone and see how life happens to them.
Last week, I did a workshop perform ance of my solo show, “The Amok Monologues,”
where among other things, I talk about the laws that prevented Filipinos from
marrying whites. I drew the comparison to the current bans on same-sex marriage.
Another performer that night was my friend Kenna Fisher.
Kenna was born Ken in New York, and is roughly the same age as Bruce Jenner.
Kenna’s show is good. But her experience hit home one day when we grabbed some
coffee after a rehearsal.
Like Jenner, Kenna has had the hormone treatment, but not yet the surgery. Like
Jenner, she also has a preference for women.
Unlike Jenner, Kenna uses the female pronouns and dresses openly like a woman.
She simply wants to be the hottest 60-something, 6-foot-4ish, platinum blonde
you might encounter.
After coffee, we said our goodbyes on the street. And as we did, there were
several passersby who couldn’t take their eyes off us. Or rather, her. Me, they
It was not a good kind of stare.
And this was in Berkeley, Calif.
In the 1930s “Little Brown Brother” era in California, my Filipino father knew
those kinds of looks–when he was with a white woman.
In the 1980s when I dated my wife, a white woman, we got the old stink-eye at
times, especially on the East Coast. Now? Never. Interracial? No problem.
But what I saw coming from the gawkers as I stood next to my trans friend Kenna,
that was modern hate in real time, like I’d never felt before.
For me, it put the “T” in the LGBTQ.
Their fight is our fight, if equality means anything in America.
Emil Guillermo is an independent journalist/commentator. Updates at www.amok.com. Follow Emil on Twitter, and like his Facebook page. The views expressed in his blog do not necessarily represent AALDEF’s views or policies.